I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
