Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
