You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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