I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
