I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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