Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
