Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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