We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
do herpes really smell.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
