You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize