they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
