overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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