i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
