Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize