i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
