there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
