I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Randomize
