her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
