Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
