Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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