why didn't you poke me back
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
