I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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