look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It's shark week go big or go home
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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