god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
