Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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