You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Randomize
