He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
