Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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