You really coming over, don't trick.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize