I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
