He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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