What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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