Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
please come you make the beer taste better
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
