Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
