Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
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