he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
