Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
