I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
