today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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