just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
