Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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