On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
