I think scott just propositioned me for sex
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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