Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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