i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
