I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
