I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize