that's an acceptable place to lick
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
