I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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