Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
The convent might be a nice break from real life
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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