I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
