I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
