I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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