Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
