It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize