he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Randomize
