I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
