You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
