if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
