the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
