Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
