I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
