Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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