how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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