hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
