i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
operation have a gay friend backfired
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize