Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize