ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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