i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
