Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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