Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
