we have officially lost it.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize