Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
