I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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