It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
