so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
