He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
