i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
