Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
