1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
