im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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