You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize