omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
This baby is an asshole
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
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