Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Randomize
