My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
