If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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