Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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