I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
