No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
