Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
only you would photoshop your dick
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
