Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
