this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
