next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
