Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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