my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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