how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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