I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
