I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
