there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
