We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize