I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
