Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
