she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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