I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
