hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
