You're my little dorito
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
