Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
