That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
