marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
