consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Randomize
