Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
