there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
