remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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