I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
