True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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