Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
