after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
i think i just lost a toe
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
