My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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