I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
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