is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
