i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
