All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
