It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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