you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
