I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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